


I Don't Want to Love You, Because I'm Afraid of Destroying You

by 7Threes



Series: Red Oceans and Black Skies [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Musical Influences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 14:03:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11083104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7Threes/pseuds/7Threes
Summary: An AU where Ghouls don't exist and Kaneki got hit with shrapnel instead of Rize's kagune.





	I Don't Want to Love You, Because I'm Afraid of Destroying You

> **HIDE**

They sat in Anteiku, this quaint coffee shop where Kaneki considered working for.

"Hey, how's your eye holding up?"

Hide asked.

A few weeks ago, Kaneki was very lucky he didn't die. He went on a date with this girl, and when they were coming to a close that evening his date suggested taking a shortcut. His date was killed by steel beams falling, and they fell on construction equipment which exploded and the shrapnel scratched many bits of Kaneki, one lodging itself inside of his kidney. He's a very lucky man to be alive and before Hide right now.

"It's healing pretty well, but it still hurts quite a bit."

Kaneki replied, drinking his coffee. Hide noted that he started drinking it black since the accident.

"Drinking it black, huh?"

Hide commented.

"Yeah. I lost my taste for the sweets and what not."

Kaneki responded, placing the mug down beside his book.

Hide loved how Kaneki's silvery eyes would surf across the pages as Kaneki fell into the world of his book.

_I love you._

Thought Hide, staring intently and unknowingly. Shaking his head and closing his eyes, he thought;

_No, he can't love me back. I mean, that's why he took out that girl instead of me. He probably doesn't even swing that way._

"Hide, you're staring."

Kaneki said as he brought the mug of coffee to his lips to drink it.

_Why is his skin so pale? And why do I keep staring at his neck? What the hell?_

Hide was in deep now. He cleared his throat.

"What book are you reading today?"

"I finished the other one so now I'm re-reading The Metamorphosis."

Kaneki placed in his bookmark and placed the book down.

"But let's talk for a bit. We haven't really been able to lately."

_Oh shit, did he catch on?_

Hide thought.

"I noticed you got new headphones."

Kaneki pointed out.

"Truth be told, I liked you wearing the orange ones. Green seems a bit redundant now."

_Since when does Kaneki know anything about fashion? The fuck?_

"Why didn't you tell me you liked wearing hoodies? You always would wear sweaters."

Hide retorted, and Kaneki looked a bit hurt.

"Woah, not that I have anything against it."

"It's fine. I've just been feeling off since surgery, you know?"

Kaneki rubbed his chin.

_What're you hiding now?_

"I understand that, but you've also gone a little pale. Are you eating enough?"

Hide persisted.

"It's a side effect from the new kidney, Hide. Really, you need to stop worrying about me."

Kaneki replied, not rubbing his chin.

"Anyway, I have to go. Lots of studying to do."

And that was the end of that.

* * *

 

> **KANEKI**

Walking through the front door or his apartment, he sighed and almost collapsed to the floor.

"Why the fuck do I do this to myself?"

He spoke, back to the door, sinking down to a sit. He held his eyes.

"I'm half blind, don't love my favorite foods anymore, and I'm a complete ass to Hide. What the fuck has happened to me?"

He started to sob, and as he took off his jacket to reveal scars along his arm, some being punctures most likely infected and full of puss, and others clean cuts along his wrists. 

"These fucking painkillers only make it hurt more. Why doesn't it work? Why?"

He hissed as he tore his scars open, blood pouring down his arms to touch his fingertips. Tears mixed with the foul blood.

"Why won't this body work? Why does everything hurt so damn much?"

He dug deep into his hair with his bloody nails, his shirt being deeply stained with the iron tasting red.

His phone then buzzed in his pocket, it was Hide calling him. Some of the screen was stained in blood.

Kaneki answered as he heaved his breaths.

"Hide, I'm dying. Come over now, I can't get up."

* * *

 

> **HIDE**

Whatever the fuck was going on, Hide had to go now. Since he didn't have a car, he rode as fast as he could on his bike. He looked ridiculous, but he didn't care. He needed Kaneki to be okay.

At last, he reached the apartment. He didn't even care to lock his bike up as he ran up to the door of Kaneki's apartment, pounding on the door. There was no answer, and blood rushed to his every inch, alarms ringing louder than ever inside his head.

_Fuckfuckfuckfuck_ \--

The door was unlocked, which isn't normal. Hide turned the knob and quickly opened the door to find the floors were stained in blood. The trail was like a river, but red and a growth of dread.

Quickly, Hide followed the trail of blood to Kaneki's room, where he found his best friend laying on the ground with needles on the floor all around him, and bloodstained arms.

"Kaneki, Kaneki! Can you hear me?! What's wrong? What happened?!"

Hide rushed to his best friend's side, who by his dilated eye, was drugged.

"I'm wrong."

Kaneki muttered.

"Why did you do this to yourself?!"

Hide pleaded for answers, holding Kaneki's back upright to lean him on the wall.

"Because I hate what I've become."

Kaneki cried.

"Kaneki, don't ever do this to yourself. Never again. Please, not just for your sake, but for mine."

Hide softly spoke.

"Hide, you don't know, do you?"

Kaneki slurred.

"Talk after I get you to the hospital, okay?"

Hide didn't feel like talking, instead he wanted to act.

"If I die, I want you to know I love you, and I'm sorry about being an ass. This isn't me. I don't want this. I'm unhappy."

Kaneki continued to ramble, but Hide would have none of it.

"If you love me, let me get you some help. I'm calling an ambulance."

"I'm not going into that ambulance without you this time."

Kaneki looked Hide in the eyes, searching for answers.

"Kaneki, you're higher than a kite. I'm not trusting anything you say until you aren't."

Hide replied, really wanting to say ' _I love you_ ' back.

* * *

 

> **KANEKI**

He couldn't believe he said anything of what he did, and it was _all_ true. He wished he was sober so Hide believed him, but  he isn't and yes, he's ' _higher than a kite_ ' so he'll wait until he isn't.

In the ambulance he felt like throwing up, he felt like absolute shit and certainly the movement wasn't helping.

His sight began to fade as his queasy eyes focused on Hide.

_I love you, even if I didn't want to ruin you._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna say it.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I don't care that I broke your heart.


End file.
